Sometimes I feel like I’m missing the Reason for life.  Every single day.

In my parenting, it’s my inability to find “answers”.

In my marriage, it’s seeing my sinful self.

The day to day stress of life gets my eyes off the cross—when it should make me run to it!

The only time I am clinging only to Him is when I’m in the midst of a big mess.  (Or when I’m in the midst of the happiest moments of my life.)

I have to learn how to cling to the Cross in the flatlands, too.

I need tunnel vision.

I know I have to ruthlessly get rid of everything that takes my eyes off of of Him.

But I’m not very good at that.

Why is it that I read blogs more than my Bible?  Why don’t I just immerse myself in His Word to purge myself of everything else?

I get hung up doing/reading/talking about something else on the way to the Cross. And I never quite get there.

But I know I can’t just “do” something.  As a friend put it, “The only things I know to do always end up taking me away.”

And when I’m away from Him then nothing works, nothing is right, and none of the truth that I know comes out in my words and thoughts and actions and life like I want.

I always come back to the fact that the only thing that is going to keep me going to Him and focusing on Him is reading His Word.

And so, a new year comes, and I try to memorize it.

Colossians in one year couldn’t be that hard, could it?

I have the paper with chapter 1 taped to the window above the kitchen sink where I can’t miss it.

Yet I still look around it.

But I have to look back.

Before that impatient word slips out of my mouth.

I have to look back at the cross.

Before I slip and fall flat on my face in the mess at my feet.

I have to bring my focus back to the Cross.

I have to throw off everything that hinders me…

… and focus on nothing but the Cross.