beyond Sunday morning
Sometimes I stare in the mirror on Sunday mornings and wonder why I bother. Why put on the makeup, why wear the cute skirt? Because when we see each other Sunday morning, our children bouncing up to us, the makeup covering the tired bags under our eyes–that’s not real relationship. We exchange hellos and compliment each other on our children’s outfits, discussing the way they sat (or didn’t sit) still in church today. But it’s when you look past my glasses and see the signs of tears that no amount of makeup can hide and ask, “How are you doing, honey?” when real relationship starts. It’s when you text me on Monday to find out how my week is going and are expecting a real reply.
We’re more connected than ever these days, with Facebook and text messages and Skype. But no matter how much we complain about or reveal in our Facebook statuses, that’s not really being vulnerable. It’s when you say hello in a quick private message on Facebook and it turns into an hour long heart-to-heart talk when we can really be honest with each other. It’s when we meet for coffee and that one hour we told the babysitters turns into two as we share our hearts.
It can be lonely living in a Pinterest and Photoshop world. Because when you follow me on Pinterest or find out that we both have stacks of Restoration Hardware catalogs and This Old House magazines, you’re only finding out what my decorating preferences are. It’s when you stop by my house when the lunch dishes are still in the sink and I’m taking down laundry as we talk that we really get to know each other. It’s when we have an outdoor barbecue and a thunderstorm forces us all inside where there aren’t enough chairs, not to mention anywhere to put the food, that we get beyond pretenses to just having fun.
Maybe we shouldn’t wait until we find ourselves sitting next to each other at mom’s group to be honest and let the tears come. It doesn’t matter if our makeup gets ruined at church. It doesn’t matter if some days our kids wear clothes that don’t match or we spend the entire morning in the nursery crying with each other while our kids play happily. What matters is that we’re real with each other. What matters is that we get beyond Sunday morning “hello” to the Monday morning, “how are you doing?” What matters is that we get close enough for the relationships to get messy, because that is the only way the relationships won’t be lonely.
Ha! I don’t even wear makeup to church anymore because it ended up getting ruined sooo often 🙂 And thank God we have finally found a church where we can be real and vulnerable and it’s safe.
I agree.
And what you wrote here is partly why I’m not really in the “online world” anymore but more focused on face to face relationships. I’m all about being honest and straightforward and I find that online relationships tend to lack that at times. It’s easy for people to put on a facade online and only let certain people see certain things…
But don’t get me wrong, I have a few select friends whom I’ve never met who I communicate with online and those friends are priceless!
Just stumbled upon a tweet that linked me to your site. I love how simply we can be connected. I’m so glad I found you expressing my sentiments so eloquently. It’s nice to read like minds… funny how the written word is sometimes more powerful than face to face. I think I prefer it! 🙂
Why thank you for commenting, Nina! And yes, I think there’s something about writers that makes us delight especially in community via words.
Love this, Gretchen.
OH so real and good and I thank you for bringing truth in and letting it be vulnerable and open and ugly and then beautiful. That is what being real is all about.
Great post Gretchen! I am so glad you wrote this…I pinned it to my Reforming Social Media board where I am gathering articles to further encourage women on this very topic.
Enjoyed your post! What a beautiful name Gretchen Louise, picture and writing … me, too, it took a long time! It seems so selfish in today’s uber connected world to be claim to be ‘lonely’ as there is always so much to do and so many ways to ‘connect’ but not all of them are heartfelt!
Oh Gretchen, I am so familiar with that mirror stare down Sunday am. It is *so hard* to get beyond that Sunday morning “hello” to the real stuff but so important. I feel as though I could have written this. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you, Vanessa! That means a lot since I’ve been struggling to find these words since Thursday night.