I need something to grab on to, something to steady me.
A goal to focus on, a plan to live by.
I want just the right parenting philosophy that will help me have perfect children.
I need the right schedule to help me organize my day and make me productive.
I long for perfect fellowship with like-minded families living nearby.
I look around so desperately for something to cling to.
But I already know the truth.
Sometimes I feel like I’m missing the Reason for life. Every single day. In my parenting, it’s my inability to find “answers”. In my marriage, it’s seeing my sinful self. The day to day stress of life gets my eyes off the cross—when it should make me run to it! The only time I am…
When I was younger, my friends were the people I talked to all the time. On the phone, in person, via hand-written letters or super-long emails. Sharing my most sacred thoughts and deepest secrets. When I was younger, my friends and I had lots of time—time for making new friends, for staying in touch with…
Just five minutes, I thought. If I could just have five minutes of quiet, all to myself—to be still, to read, to think, to write. Just five minutes. I might feel sane again. I might be able to hear myself think for the five minutes thereafter. I might be able to function. But with two…
Dearest Love, You talked to me when I was your sisters’ friend. You treated me normally when we were in those awkward early years of adolescence. You teased me just like you teased your sisters so I could be myself. You were a friend to me when I was a silly, frumpy, opinionated teenager. You…
Five minutes. Just five minutes to tell you about the best piece of mail I’ve gotten? Oh wait, the best piece of mail I’ve gotten recently. Well then, you are saved from hearing about one of the mushy love letters pictured in the background of my blog. Or the birthday card I got in the…
Dear Little One, Your big sisters are quite fascinated by you and your coming. Ruth has decided that you are “the new baby” and Mary is “the old baby.” I’m not sure what that makes Ruth—probably the old, old baby! The conversations we have about you are many and varied. Ruth loves seeing the little…
It’s making plans. It’s writing lists. Ordering seeds, ordering supplies. (Ordering a tractor, too. After selling another one, mind you.) More to-do’s. More plans. Events. Promotions. Brochures. It’s January on the farm. And it’s enough to overwhelm anyone. I’m not ready for summer. I’m so not ready for summer. “But it’s only January,” my husband…
I went to my first ever meeting for homeschool moms last night. There were 14 of us. 3 other “young” moms like me. The rest seemed a lot closer to my mom’s age, and yet many of them had children not much older—and some, in fact, younger—than mine. Motherhood and homeschooling and our faith in…
Sunday, September 05, 2010 Dear littlest one, On Wednesday I found out for sure that you were growing within me. Apparently the test the previous week had been a false negative, and my rising temperatures were telling the most accurate story after all. When I awoke with yet another high temp, I decided to take…
I let the fire go out this morning. Again. I’ve been doing it this whole past month. Even as I tell my shivering husband that I have yet to be warm all the time from being pregnant this time. He laughs. As he will laugh again when he comes home and I tell him. No…
Dear Littlest One, A week ago Monday, Mommy and Daddy got to see you for the very first time! Mommy was 18 1/2 weeks along on December 6, which meant you were about 16 weeks “old.” Oh the wonders of ultrasound technology! We laughed as the ultrasound tech pretended to count to 5. I knew…
The End.
The End.