Each year, it’s a different creature. But this year, it’s earwigs. As never before. Perhaps it’s the mild winter that let them survive to bug us in such great quantity. I haven’t studied their life cycles enough to know. All I know is that I wish it was a shorter one.

Granted, the year of the earthworms was worse. They would crawl up through the cracks at the edge of our cement floor, only to die an untimely death on the floor that was far fromtheir natural environment of moist earth.

And the ants weren’t very fun, since they thrived on all the bits of food little children will leave everywhere.

The crickets were the most entertaining, because our one-year-old son would do everything he could to smash them — and we all know how elusive crickets are! Cricket hunts were the thing in our house last year.

But this year, it’s earwigs. Again. (I know they’ve visited before, but never in this quantity. Because there was that year one of the girls called them “earrings”… Though I’m convinced that they still think they are called “earwings”, their pronunciation is a bit more correct.) We open the front door, and there they are. Swarming in. Except that they are crawling, not swarming.

If you have yet to meet an earwig (apparently they aren’t native to all parts of the U.S.), lucky person that you are, just imagine a very small scorpion, or a a super fast, ant-sized bug with pincers.

But for my friends who are all too well acquainted with the dreaded earwigs, I offer:

Survival Tips for the Annual Earwig Infestation

• Moist, dark places attract these most sinister of creatures. Seek out their hiding places at night to annihilate them in mass quantity.
• Vacuums are by far the quickest and most effective method for eliminating a large number of earwigs quickly and easily.
• Beware in the bathroom: shake and rinse your washcloth before using it on any part of your body. Examine both sides of your bath towel well before wrapping it around yourself.
• Prepare yourself not to scream when you remove a towel from your hair only to have an earwig fall out.
• Try not to let the children see you shudder or hear you scream. If they think killing them is a game, it keeps you from having to do the dreaded task quite as often.
• Sippy cups and earwigs are not a good combination. Even if they think they are. Check cups before filling them. And check the drinking spout for tell-tale earwig tails before handing said sippy cup to your children. Same with your own personal use of drinking straws, according to a friend.
• Before you squish an earwig on the table, ascertain whether it’s on top of the clear plastic tablecloth or not. If not, it will create a lot more of a mess.
• Never, I repeat, never, put on a pair of gloves without checking it for tell-tale earwig droppings. You may be surprised by a pinch on the end of your finger if you aren’t careful!
• Beware the soup. Double check the items that look like browned bits of chicken. Fish them out, and carry on.
• Sometimes, you just have to turn off the lights, close your eyes, and ignore the thought of all the things you may be squishing beneath your feet as you go to bed.
• No matter how many times you attempt to squish that earwig in front of the kitchen stove, it will still be the spot where the clock fell and dinged the floor last year.

How about you? Have you survived a home takeover of earwigs in the past? Do you have any tips? (Because the bug spray we got only slowed their presence a bit for 24 hours before they returned in full force.)